Yes I am back and I am back not because I feel like typing out some crap but I guess I am just simply blogging aimlessly.  I have been facing some problems lately.  Problems which I think by explaining doesn’t really help much but instead further fuels the problem.

…so I have decided to take it out on my blog, or rather, through it.  For all I know, I could be typing garbage but believe me, I seriously don’t know what exactly my objective for this blog entry is about.  Long story short…it’s just some minor challenges which I think should fade off after awhile.

Amazing as it may seem, I am getting this low self-esteem thing bothering me.  Like some kind of apocalyptic feeling.  Like somewhere in the back of your head there is this chain pulling you back everytime you try to take a shot at escaping.  And just when you thought you have the shot and you take it…it pulls you back again…and you keep trying and trying and trying…hoping that one day you will break free completely from the chains and walk out free.  What I am talking about here is stuttering.  It’s really irritating as it is the last thing on earth that should affect one person.  My parents don’t have it, my grandparents don’t have it, even my sister didn’t have it. Or at least I thought I have it.  It depends on how well you control yourself from the problem you know.  Or rather, it depends on whether you want to think that you have it.  A psychological thing.  A self-confidence thing.  I have my own theory of it.  Not many would agree.

I hate telling people about my problems as it’s like telling a hunter where you are.  It exposes your vulnerable location and makes you an easy target.  It’s revealing too much of yourself for people to manipulate.  It isn’t utopia in this world.

I wonder sometimes…am I thinking too much?  Thing is, when you focus too much on something, you in turn miss something else.  I focus too much on whether I am actually having a stuttering problem and I in turn speak with extreme caution of what words I am using and in turn stutter.  What I call, self-induced stutter.

Anyway…will be back.  I got a call to answer.

Over and out.